reading Ken Wilber

Have been reading "Grace & Grit" by Ken Wilber. The book is about his life spent with Treya, his wife, who is no more. She suffered from breast cancer almost from the beginning of their marriage and passed away after five years.

what i find compelling about this book is the bear bone honesty with which it has been written, This has entries from Treya's journal and Ken's writing about their life, their journey together, their love, their dark sides, their neuroses, their struggle and fight with the disease and their acceptance(or lack of it) of self, of each other, life, love, hatred, and all the junk that lie around in our persona. and of course, their meditation.

i felt hopeful reading this book. It is giving me back hope and faith. i feel drawn towards meditation and forgiveness practice.

what i also got in touch is that life and living is a discipline - it is not a hard cruel "if you don't abide by, then you will die" kind of discipline, but is more like having a gentle, loving and yet firm mother around kind of a discipline. life needs some order to be lived, to ground itself; so that it can give us the space to do other things after feeling alive.

Right now going through a lab with twenty five managers. A is also with me. we are feeling so loving towards one another, so gently and yet so deeply.

The lab is going on alright ... at times i have to fight hard with myself to stop judging the participants .... judging is so easy, compassion and sincere joining in is so hard.

As the personal life stories of some of them are unfolding in the lab space, I am awe struck, amazed, saddened, touched, resonated .....

I am also in touch with the "me ness" and it is like a light shadow at this point of time. i can most times feel it but can not distinguish. Only at times, i can see it clearly. Those times are special, i have a feeling of floating. when i am separate from my "me ness" i feel lighter, happier, broader, expansive. and at times, when the "me ness" envelopes me like a fog, i sometimes forget to breath, i feel agitated, reactive, snappy.

but i am finding it easier to talk to me now a day. :-)